Turning toward each other means making each other your number one priority.
Another important aspect of turning toward each other is doing things together that you both enjoy.
" To monitor how you're doing, each of you should make two lists: One for all the things your spouse does to cause you pain, and another which identifies what you would like your spouse to do to give you pleasure.
One couple had the following "greeting ritual" at night when the husband came home: He would first greet the dog and hug the kids.Then he would go into his bedroom, change his clothes, and watch the news, followed by a visit to the bathroom.It sounds simple enough, but can be very hard in practice.For just one day, try to maintain a consciousness with everything you do, by asking yourself, "Is what I'm about to do or say going to cause my spouse pain or pleasure?Finally he would wander into the kitchen and mutter something to his wife, for example, "Let’s eat fast so we can get to the PTA meeting! Here are some rituals you and your spouse should consider working on: • Daily e-mailing each other with a compliment. (especially important for husbands to do) • Anniversaries deserve special attention.
" One might say that such a ritual was not exactly increasing their love for each other. Plan to do something both of you really enjoy, rather than feeling stuck two days before your anniversary arrives and then running out to get some flowers.
The listener can stop the speaker if s/he is saying too much for the listener to repeat back.
When couples use this technique, it automatically ensures that each person will be able to say everything s/he needs to say without interruption, rebuttals, criticism or attack.
It's common for each person to come into a relationship with certain expectations about how things will be.
But without the ability to communicate and negotiate, these issues become sources for power struggles that almost always damage the relationship.
The technique that every couple must learn is called the "listener-speaker technique." The problem with the way most couples argue is that they try to find solutions before fully giving each other the chance to say what they need to say.