There are occasional concern-troll-y musings about how this is bad for the one doing the cut-off as well – the subtitle, after all is “Cutting off exes not only hurts our former partners Cutoff culture is violent in its own ways.
The person cutting ties gets what they want, but the person getting cut off is left in a situation where what they need or want doesn’t matter.
Furthermore, if the person being cut off has trauma in their background, the psychological impacts can be devastating.
They aren’t required to hold your hand as you process your issues.They don’t need to be “generous of spirit [and vagina]” while you’re trying to get over them. (And before anyone brings it up: yes, I talk about requirements when you’re dumping someone.After nearly a year of silence, I reached out to her and we began a series of conversations toward repairing our friendship. She stopped responding to my email and when I called to inquire she blocked my number and emailed me to stop contacting her.She said she had recently begun dating someone new and I think it was difficult for her to talk to me about our relationship. Over a space of nine months, I wrote her two kind emails in the spirit of healing.Every once in a while, the universe likes to drop a subject in my lap.
Last week, several of my readers forwarded me an article on Medium called “Shining Light on Cutoff Culture“, a think piece by one Jeff Reifman, about closure and communication.Emma once told me, “You’re the first one to want me for me,” but her abrupt about-face might make you think I ran off with her best friend or boiled her rabbit … In fact, to this day, I have only guesses to make sense of her hostility to me.Because Emma’s withdrawal and eventual cutoff surprised me so much, I had a lot of intense emotions and questions about what she’d experienced and the choices she’d made.While it may be socially acceptable to cut off communication with our exes, we’re not always cognizant of the impacts on ourselves and our former partners.When we cut off, we may do so from anger but often we may be avoiding feelings of discomfort.Saying “I want to stay friends” ((In those moments where they’re being serious rather than trying to make the break-up less awkward)) is a someone wants to make an effort to make sure you’re ok afterwards, that’s very sweet of them. I consider not causing someone unnecessary pain to be key part of being a good man rather than an asshole.