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A TAUREAN will sit down in front of his/her computer and complete all of their holiday shopping online in one sitting, as long the room temperature is adjusted exactly to their liking and they have a pint of Ben and Jerry's at arm's reach. Although they may reemerge from the fray a bit worse for the wear, they will be carrying armfuls of shopping bags containing only the best deals...would you expect anything less? Once nearly dead, most can barely get to the end of the tunnel without meeting some being with whom they have astral sex. She moves through that delightfully clean and sparkling tunnel of light, occasionally reflecting upon possible improvements . LIBRA: Floating out of the body, then in, then out, then in, and finally out again . SCORPIO: Since most Scorpios have nine lives, they tend to brainstorm different ways to trigger the near death experience. Peter, the celestial choir and so on (another reason to rebel and opt for hell).

Pisces will always be too stoned to remember the partking spot. CANCER: Cancerians can live to be 125 years old, and they don't usually have near death experiences, but they can come awfully close to having a near life experience when they get brave and venture out of their house for "supplies."LEO: "Nooooooo, I am NOT dead. Ironically, Aquarian near-death experiences tend to be extremely traditional, i.e., God the Father, St.They spend Christmas in the company of their finest vintage wine, reading poetry and contemplating the tenuous nature of life. When you want what you want when you want it, you want an Aries condom.Condoms of the Zodiac Aries Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Aries is symbolized by the ram, so naturally Aries condoms are made from the finest lambskin. Taurus Taurus is perhaps the most sensual and economy minded of the astrological signs. Because Sag is immensely curious about whether the so-called organized religious have any validity at all, this stroke of luck leads to some amaaaaaazing lessons, until, alas, the astral folks tire of her and trick her into returning to Earth for the duration. After somehow BREAKING the tunnel of light, she absolutely refuses to return to the body, since she's been trying to get out of it for all these years (via clumsy accidents). A VIRGO will have all of their holiday shopping completed before Thanksgiving (or Halloween if they are really good), but they may continue to shop sporadically throughout the holiday season to secure last-minute details and take advantage of the great sales.