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On the non-physical side, it would be that I’m funny and that I’m usually The Loud One in the room. If you don’t have any hobbies or interests, again, this is why you’re single. Answer this question like a jackass and you’re going to stay single. Never leave the house without your journal or a switchblade?

That, and I can give the ‘guy’ opinion on female related dating topics.

Not to worry, I have the snarky personality to back it all up. I’m not a dating expert by any means, but I do know enough to be dangerous.

We may even see someone we know searching through profiles, but it’s pretty much like we don’t see them.

It’s a guilty pleasure for myself and my colleagues.

Pick something out of their profile that caught your eye, and I don’t mean her tits. Be upfront, don’t be crass or vulgar, and you’ll increase your chances of some dirty, filthy, perfect stranger sex.

We only get pissed when you lead us on with promises of a relationship when you’re only looking for sex.

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about how you’d survive the zombie apocalypse, or if there’s life on other planets?

Think in terms of meeting someone instead of going on a date.

If you’re an open book, you might be willing to admit that you wet your bed until you were 15 or that you want to nail your first cousin. You Should Message Me If DO NOT write, “Message me if you like what you’ve read.” We get that. Quote a movie, leave a recipe for bundt cake, leave your hat size.

If you’re really private, then the most private thing you’d be willing to admit might be your height or ethnicity; something obvious. If you have a specific caveat like, you don’t date smokers, are allergic to cats, only date women named Beula, that goes here.

Movies, clubbing, trying every sushi joint in town? Holding up liquor stores, summoning the devil, and tagging buildings with your spray paint stencil art as your alter ego, The Shadow? The Most Private Thing You’re Willing to Admit DO NOT write, “Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be private”. This question is not asking you to divulge your deepest, darkest secrets, but the most private thing you’re WILLING to admit.