Second, you are saying that there were a few instances of your daughter “sneaking off with a different boy,” and that seems to us to be a major problem that should be addressed immediately. We are not sure what you mean when you say the father is “not around.” Are you divorced? And as for the boy who asked you to let him date your daughter, tell him point-blank to never ever come near your daughter.Your daughter has somehow come to believe that she can actually leave your home, or “sneak out” without fear of consequence. If you know his parents, talk to them about his behavior.
We’re told that our teens are old enough to begin making their own decisions, that parents who do get involved are old fashioned, intrusive, and “patriarchal.” To us, it seems, very few parents of teens are involved enough in their children’s dating relationships. Perhaps the best way to help corral your ideas on what to do about your child’s interaction with the opposite sex is to write out your family’s dating policy. Will you allow them to date another person exclusively? Too many parents today allow their children to develop exclusive guy-girl relationships at 13 or 14 because that’s what everyone else does. They can’t go out in a car alone.” But the pattern of romance and emotional involvement gets established.
That’s why you need to be involved—because others parents aren’t! This will require some extended conversation between Mom and Dad. What about dating—are you going to let your kids date or not? As Ashley and then Benjamin and Samuel began adolescence, we looked more closely at this issue and over the years developed some family guidelines for the following: When a child can date, whom they should date, acceptable kinds of dates, telephone use, Internet communications, and so on. We (especially dads) need to interview our daughters’ dates.
Our teenagers need our training, guidance, and ongoing involvement as they approach the issue of guy-girl relationships and dating.
Because our culture tells parents to stay out of the dating lives of our teenagers, we realize this may not be an easy conviction to embrace.
She is no longer a child and she will hopefully understand, , that you are saying things that are for her own benefit in the long term Salams and regards. Help her to value the dignity that Islam accords her as a woman and to understand why engaging in premarital relationships strips her of her modesty, her dignity, and, indeed, her chastity. Those are critical questions and the answers to which will actually help you to grasp the reality that you are confronted with in raising this particular daughter. Help him to understand the severe consequences of his daughter’s behavior.
Be gentle with your daughter and be assured that once she internalizes the Islamic outlook, she will not engage in such behaviors. Finally, you should talk to her father for advice, but more so, you should tell him frankly that you are not going to raise these children alone. Make sure he steps in and establishes trust and a clear channel of communication with his children.
In forming our own convictions as parents about dating, it’s not good enough for us to just back off a step or two from what the world says is acceptable.
We believe there are four convictions regarding dating that all parents should consider and uphold: 1.
Thank you for the question that you have sent to us regarding your 13-year-old daughter.
Please take note of the following suggestions and guidelines:1- The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:4- It is clear from the above narrations by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that modesty, decency, and respect are fundamental and basic characteristics of Islam.
It takes a courageous young man or an arrogant one to go through the interview for a date with our daughter. If you begin talking about interviewing her dates before your daughter begins adolescence, this should not become an issue when you actually begin doing it later on.